Adoption easier than childbirth?

Adoption easier than childbirth? Who came up with that bright idea?  Shortly after the adoption of our first child, and the second time a dear friend suggested that adoption had been easier, I told my husband; be prepared, next time I go postal. There was no next time.  I think that my husband, staged an intervention. After all there is nothing easy about infertility or adoption.

That is unless you call getting almost 300 injections spread over 4 unsuccessful IVF sessions easy.  Did I mention 4 unsuccessful rounds of IVF.  An insightful friend once described an unsuccessful IVF as the closest thing to a miscarriage a woman can have. I concur.

If that wasn’t enough, we also lost a child that we were in the process of adopting from Russia. This was not a nameless faceless child, but one that we had pictures and video of. She had a name, a nursery, clothes, toys, and Mommy bought a minivan.  Adoptive parents go through the same pre-attachment process that pregnant, expectant parents go though. Losing her was like a death in the family- the death of a child; and it was slow and painful having been dragged out for months.

I know with absolute certainty that the child (children) we adopted, is the one we were suppose to adopt, but that knowledge offers little solace to the grief we experienced, and that I still experience; when like today, I allow it to come out of the box, that I keep it in. Between adoption 1 and 2, we had a Domestic adoption go bad, and the birthmother we were matched with was convicted on felony fraud. Adoption fraud: a crime which can only describe as callous and cruel.

Through it all, I remain the forever optimist, (some days I might describe it as more “what doesn’t; kill you makes you stronger”) knowing that everything happens for a reason even we don’t; know what that is at the time.  This experience gave me a unique insight into the complexities of adoption and while it’s not always easy, it is definitely worth it.