I was recently thinking about how my teen and some of her friend’s
life experience’s may effect there relationships, especially as they enter the dating
scene. I decided now might be a good time to review the “7 Core Issues of Adoption”
as described, Silverstein and Kaplan. Many
members of the adoption tirade describe these as being life long and can affect
adoptees, birthparents and adoptive parents. The descriptions below look at
adoptee and adoptive parents.
Loss: significantly impacts all members of the
adoption triad. For adoptees, loss is most often equated to abandonment by
birth parents. Adoptive parents who experienced infertility may suffer from
self-esteem issues. The impact of infertility may be unacknowledged and
trivialized. Adoptive parents may try to overcompensate.
An adoptee perceives that they were
rejected by their birthparents and responsible for the rejection. This may results
in self-esteem issues and an anticipated response or rejection from others. A
doptive parents may feel a sense of
isolation from their peers. They may reject or blame their partner.
Guilt and Shame: Adoptees may feel guilt because they
believe they are responsible for their loss. They may be ashamed of being
different, or feel guilty that they survived.
Adoptive parents may feel responsible for their infertility.
They may believe they are being “punished for their past sins”.
Greif: Loss of a birth
family/culture is often unacknowledged. If a child is not allowed to grieve,
this can lead to emotional or behavioral issues. Adoptive parents with
unresolved grief may have problems attaching to their child. They may perceive
a child’s grief as rejection.
Identity: The personal identity of an adoptee may be affected
as they struggle with the question “Who am I?” Adoptees, especially
trans-racially adopted children may struggle with a sense of belonging. Adoptive
parents may lose their sense of identity through crisis levels of stress, post
adoption depression, infertility or a difficult adoption process.
Intimacy: Having experienced loss, rejection, self
esteem, and identity issues, adoptees may struggle with intimacy issues. They
may have a diminished capacity or resistance to attachment. Adoptive parents
with unresolved grief may struggle with intimacy issues and martial problems.
Control: Loss of control can result in control issues
and power struggles. Adoptees may struggle to control their environment in an
attempt to feel secure. Many
aspects of adoption are out the adoptive parent’s control. Overcompensation caused
by lack of control can become a continuing frustration even after an adoption
Labels: adoption facts, Domestic Adoption, Infertility, international adoption, Mom's, Parenting, Parenting Teens, Russian adoptions, Special Needs Adoption